I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
