a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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