lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I touched a dick in church today
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize