Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
