just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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