Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
