i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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