just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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