if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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