I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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