I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
