i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize