There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
