I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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