no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize