Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My vagina is very pro this idea
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
