Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
