watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
