she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
These tits shall not be calmed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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