"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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