im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
