He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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