Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
