8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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