Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
