I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
