Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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