i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
