I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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