Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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