Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize