so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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