she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
