my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
