I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
