My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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