I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
