She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
