This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
