He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
