his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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