i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
