hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
thus making me awesome and them whores
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
