I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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