I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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