So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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