my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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