Can i not drive my cunt home
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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