You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
