I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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