I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
