This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
