worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
this will be a night to untag.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
