So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
