I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
