so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
whose parrot is this?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
