i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
