you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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