I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
