I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
