She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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