if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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