Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
