69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
