She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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