Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
