he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
