I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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