I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize