I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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