I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drunk is not a location!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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