It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
