i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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