So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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