also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
True strength comes from lack of pants
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
