Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
