Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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