she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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