So drunk, too bad you don't want this
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
