With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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