Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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