Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
