haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize