wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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