I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
