A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize