she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
