oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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