i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
