Got a toothbrush?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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