it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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