I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
