...so i touched it.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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